With this blog comes the hopes and dreams that it will serve multiple purposes.
The first and most significant purpose is to serve as an avenue toward healing the pain that many children of families of violence still carry with them in their adult lives.
Secondly, it will provide educational material. As you make your journey, hopefully you will find the support here of others who have made or who are in the process of making this same journey. The tools and the support that you will need can be found here.

Be aware the content of this blog is in no way "Dressed Up". This blog, like family violence itself, is not a walk in the park. Here the reality is faced both past and present!

Content will be added to this blog as it is made available.


Friday, February 22, 2008

To The Person Who Raped Me

You took my innocence away;
You stole my childhood that day.
One violent moment, in a flash it was gone.
And you left me there to carry on.
The memories will never leave me,
But maybe the pain will cease.
I know that in order to start living,
It's time to do some forgiving.
It's taken a while, but I can forgive you.
But I know thats not all I have to do.
I need to wrap the child inside me in my arms
And tell her she is safe, and protected from all harm.
I can honestly say that the fault wasn't mine
I was only a child; I was only nine.

What were you thinking when you did this to me??
Did you think for a moment of how hard life would be?
Of the nightmares that invaded my sleep every night??
Of the wrong you did that can never be made right?

I was too little to protect myself then,
But I sure as hell won't let you do it again.
I won't let you have control of me anymore
I won't let you keep me behind a locked door.

You stole my innocence, that's true,
But there's something that you didn't do.
You didn't take my strength,
you didn't take my heart,
You didn't take my faith in God,
Although in that you played a part.

For while you were hurting me,
I remembered to pray,
I asked God to help me, on that awful summer day.
At first I thought He just didnt care,
Or maybe He was too busy to answer my prayer.

Although he didn't answer it that exact day,
He answered it in a most extraordinary way.
He sent me people to help me through,
They helped to heal the hurts caused by you.

And now I know that God does indeed care,
And I know that He heard my prayer.

See, there's one thing you didn't take away from me,
You didn't take the gift I was meant to be.
My life was created for a purpose.
And just because you violated me,
Doesn't mean I'm worthless.

I won't let you have power over me;
I'm through being the victim, you see.
It will take a while for the pain to go away,
But I'll make it.
I'll take it day by day.

Copyright protected...
Used with permission
Thank you N for your contribution.


farmlady said...

Dear Jo,
When I went into the "about you" info, I saw that you had another blog called Childhood Stolen. I read each post.
Do you realize what a wonderful gift you are giving all the people that have opened their hearts and shared their awful pain. I'm so touched.
I love your "Bits and Pieces" blog and read it every day, but your other gift to the world is empathy. I truly hope that you have found grace in what you offer others.
Sincerely, Connie Collins

Jo said...

Thank you for your post Connie. I feel more than empathy with those that have shared their pain with all of us because I was a child of abuse myself. A child that grew up only to marry into another life of abuse.

I started Childhood Stolen on Geocities years ago along with Barb Corry. Over the years I have lost contact with Barb, but have contiued to care for Childhood Stolen. What you find on this blog only scratches the surface of what I have yet to transfer here.

I have found that even the hint of mentioning abuse of any kind will cause must people to squirm. They are very uncomfortable with that topic. Thus, the person that was abused tends to keep these memories locked up inside just to continue to eat away at them. With this blog, hopefully those that were abused will know that they are not alone. That feeling of being alone is as hard to deal with at times as the abuse itself.

Again.... thank you for your comment.

farmlady said...

It's not about what others think. It's about the abused. What you do makes such a difference. Knowing there's a place that they can express the hurt, the pain and the anger, has got to be a good thing.

I was a teacher in the court school system here in Calif. I can't tell you how many times I heard the sad stories of abuse and neglect from "my kids". It's systemic. It spreads like a brush fire. It kills their souls. Only the strong ones survive (like you, I would gather) and even those that do, never forget and always wonder why.
If I can find a poem I wrote when I left Community Schools, I'll write a post about it soon. It's hard to go back to all that, but maybe I need to.

I was one of the well loved and well taken cared of children, and have never appreciated my parents more, than I do now, at 63. How you are treated and what is done to you in childhood is there forever.I use to tell my "kids" that they can't change what happen,but they can change the outcome of the life. They were so young though (13-18 yrs). I wonder how many turned out like you. A lot, I hope. Connie

Spring said...

Thank you for this blog, this poem meant so much to me and brought tears to my eyes. I was molested at nine by a friend of the family who lived with us for awhile. And grew up with a stepdad who was controlling and verbally and sexually abusive. This poem echoes my heart totally! God really has brought people into my life to help me and God has become my true father.

Mary said...

Being abused and molested is something that we carry forever. It will never go away, we may deal with it, but it will never go away. I am trying so hard to deal with it, but am having such a hard time with flashbacks and memories, but with the help of my therapist hopefully will get some peace oneday. thanks for this blog..Mary