With this blog comes the hopes and dreams that it will serve multiple purposes.
The first and most significant purpose is to serve as an avenue toward healing the pain that many children of families of violence still carry with them in their adult lives.
Secondly, it will provide educational material. As you make your journey, hopefully you will find the support here of others who have made or who are in the process of making this same journey. The tools and the support that you will need can be found here.

Be aware the content of this blog is in no way "Dressed Up". This blog, like family violence itself, is not a walk in the park. Here the reality is faced both past and present!

Content will be added to this blog as it is made available.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Its quiet.
Its early.
My coffee is hot.
The sky is still black.
The world is still asleep.

The day is coming.

In a few moments the day will arrive.
It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun.
The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged
for the noise of the day.
The calm of solitude will be replaced
by the pounding pace of the human race.
The refuge of the early morning will be invaded
by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours
I will be exposed to the days demands.
It is now that I must make a choice.
Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose.
And so I choose.

I choose Love....

No occasion justifies hatred;
No injustice warrants bitterness.
~I choose love~
Today I will love God
and what God loves.

I choose Joy...

I will invite my God
to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical ...
the tool of the lazy thinker.
I will refuse to see people
as anything less than human beings,
created by God.
I will refuse to see any problem
As anything less than
an opportunity to see God.

I choose Peace...

I will live forgiven.
I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose Patience...

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world.
Instead of cursing the one who takes my place,
I'll invite him to do so.
Rather than complain that the wait is too long,
I will thank God for a moment to pray.
Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments,
I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose Kindness...

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.
Kind to the rich for they are afraid.
And kind to the unkind,
for such is how God has treated me.

I choose Goodness...

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one.
I will be overlooked before I will boast.
I will confess before I will accuse.
~I choose goodness~

I choose Faithfulness...

Today I will keep my promises.
My debtors will not regret their trust.
My associates will not question my word.
My wife or partner will not question my love.
And my children will never fear that
their father will not come home.

I choose Gentleness...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer.I
f I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose Self-control...

I am a spiritual being.
After this body is dead, my spirit will soar.
I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal.
~I choose self-control~
I will be drunk only by joy.
I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ.
~I choose self-control~


To these I commit my day.
If I succeed, I will give thanks.
If I fail, I will seek His grace.
And then, when this day is done,
I will place my head on my pillow and rest.



The Think Tank

One of the greatest gifts given to us is



We can choose to believe that we are unlovable
because of a past that is clouded by anothers
unloving words and actions.


We can choose to suffer the depression
which has followed us into adult life.
We can continue to believe
that every bad thing that has
ever happened to us is our own fault,
merely because we were taught at an early
age that this was true.


We can choose to constantly struggle
with the memories of abuse.


We can choose to give up all hope
for a brighter tomorrow because
the journey there takes too long.


We can choose to lash out at others
because of the unkindness we have known.


We can choose to believe that there
is no goodness in the world
and live our lives accordingly.


We can choose to be unfaithful
to those who have put trust in us.
We can choose to justify this by,
believing that trust is always broken.


We can choose to be forceful,
demanding, and violent because
that is how we were raised.


We can choose to loose control
and strike out at anyone that
gets in the way of all our other choices,
be they right or wrong.


We can choose to look at the sunrise
of each new day as a promise.
The promise of new beginnings.
A new beginning that will not
allow the pain and problems of the
past to rule the present.

This Is Your Day

Your Choice

Sunday, June 15, 2008

1,000 Marbles

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work.

Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the backyard patio with a steaming cup of green tea in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap meet. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital." He continued, let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain this theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.""Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy." "So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.

You could have heard a pin drop on the radio when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the grand kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a while since we spent a Saturday together with the grand kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."



The Think Tank

How many Saturdays will I remain in an abusive relationship?

How many Saturdays will I miss, being treated well by a partner?

How many Saturdays will be spent feeling powerless,
instead of taking action to improve my situation?

How many Saturdays will I spend feeling badly about myself?
(shame, guilt, low self esteem, self-loathing, etc.)

How many Saturdays will I spend with my insides
tied up in knots, wondering what little incident will
send my partner into a rage again?

How many Saturdays will I try to block from my memory
because they are too painful to think about?

How many Saturdays will I continue to allow my partner
to control and manipulate me?

What do I need to do today to begin making the changes
I need to make in my life.