N's Story

"N, when is Daddy coming home?"
"I don't know Sis, I don't know."
"But I'm hungry."
"I'll make you a grilled cheese."
"But you aren't old enough to use the stove."

Daddy comes home staggering
with fancy desserts from the restaurant.
I tell him she can't eat them on an
empty stomach, she'll get sick.
The next morning he gives her
a glass of orange juice.
I tell him she can't have orange juice,
it burns her stomach.
Daddy starts to cry.
"I wish I had more time with you," he says.
But he always dumps us on his
sisters
or girlfriends.

I don't remember doing anything bad.
I know I am an ugly kid.
That's why he is always mad at me.

He drives us home with a beer bottle
in his hand. Sis gets to sit up front.
I tell him that the radio is too loud,
but he doesn't hear.
He says to hold his
bottle for a minute. I won't give it back.
He gets mad.

I knew how to make his drinks before
I knew how to write in script.
Sometimes Grandma stays with us. Usually
it's when we've been real bad and Mommy
runs away.

Daddy works too much and smokes too many
weird cigarettes. Grandma says Daddy is
a bastard. My aunts say that Mommy's
a whore.

So what does that make me??