With this blog comes the hopes and dreams that it will serve multiple purposes.
The first and most significant purpose is to serve as an avenue toward healing the pain that many children of families of violence still carry with them in their adult lives.
Secondly, it will provide educational material. As you make your journey, hopefully you will find the support here of others who have made or who are in the process of making this same journey. The tools and the support that you will need can be found here.

Be aware the content of this blog is in no way "Dressed Up". This blog, like family violence itself, is not a walk in the park. Here the reality is faced both past and present!

Content will be added to this blog as it is made available.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Its quiet.
Its early.
My coffee is hot.
The sky is still black.
The world is still asleep.

The day is coming.

In a few moments the day will arrive.
It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun.
The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged
for the noise of the day.
The calm of solitude will be replaced
by the pounding pace of the human race.
The refuge of the early morning will be invaded
by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours
I will be exposed to the days demands.
It is now that I must make a choice.
Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose.
And so I choose.

I choose Love....

No occasion justifies hatred;
No injustice warrants bitterness.
~I choose love~
Today I will love God
and what God loves.

I choose Joy...

I will invite my God
to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical ...
the tool of the lazy thinker.
I will refuse to see people
as anything less than human beings,
created by God.
I will refuse to see any problem
As anything less than
an opportunity to see God.

I choose Peace...

I will live forgiven.
I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose Patience...

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world.
Instead of cursing the one who takes my place,
I'll invite him to do so.
Rather than complain that the wait is too long,
I will thank God for a moment to pray.
Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments,
I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose Kindness...

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.
Kind to the rich for they are afraid.
And kind to the unkind,
for such is how God has treated me.

I choose Goodness...

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one.
I will be overlooked before I will boast.
I will confess before I will accuse.
~I choose goodness~

I choose Faithfulness...

Today I will keep my promises.
My debtors will not regret their trust.
My associates will not question my word.
My wife or partner will not question my love.
And my children will never fear that
their father will not come home.

I choose Gentleness...
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer.I
f I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose Self-control...

I am a spiritual being.
After this body is dead, my spirit will soar.
I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal.
~I choose self-control~
I will be drunk only by joy.
I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ.
~I choose self-control~


To these I commit my day.
If I succeed, I will give thanks.
If I fail, I will seek His grace.
And then, when this day is done,
I will place my head on my pillow and rest.



The Think Tank

One of the greatest gifts given to us is



We can choose to believe that we are unlovable
because of a past that is clouded by anothers
unloving words and actions.


We can choose to suffer the depression
which has followed us into adult life.
We can continue to believe
that every bad thing that has
ever happened to us is our own fault,
merely because we were taught at an early
age that this was true.


We can choose to constantly struggle
with the memories of abuse.


We can choose to give up all hope
for a brighter tomorrow because
the journey there takes too long.


We can choose to lash out at others
because of the unkindness we have known.


We can choose to believe that there
is no goodness in the world
and live our lives accordingly.


We can choose to be unfaithful
to those who have put trust in us.
We can choose to justify this by,
believing that trust is always broken.


We can choose to be forceful,
demanding, and violent because
that is how we were raised.


We can choose to loose control
and strike out at anyone that
gets in the way of all our other choices,
be they right or wrong.


We can choose to look at the sunrise
of each new day as a promise.
The promise of new beginnings.
A new beginning that will not
allow the pain and problems of the
past to rule the present.

This Is Your Day

Your Choice

Sunday, June 15, 2008

1,000 Marbles

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work.

Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the backyard patio with a steaming cup of green tea in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap meet. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital." He continued, let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain this theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.""Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.

Now stick with me Tom, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy." "So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.

You could have heard a pin drop on the radio when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the grand kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a while since we spent a Saturday together with the grand kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."



The Think Tank

How many Saturdays will I remain in an abusive relationship?

How many Saturdays will I miss, being treated well by a partner?

How many Saturdays will be spent feeling powerless,
instead of taking action to improve my situation?

How many Saturdays will I spend feeling badly about myself?
(shame, guilt, low self esteem, self-loathing, etc.)

How many Saturdays will I spend with my insides
tied up in knots, wondering what little incident will
send my partner into a rage again?

How many Saturdays will I try to block from my memory
because they are too painful to think about?

How many Saturdays will I continue to allow my partner
to control and manipulate me?

What do I need to do today to begin making the changes
I need to make in my life.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Lessons Learned

The Lessons Learned

Picture if you will, A child of three.
She's frightened and confused,
Not understanding,Why her mother,
Is mistreated and abused.

As time goes by, This same child,
With broken spirit and heart,
Watches as brother is beaten,
Unable to take his part.

She doesn't grow as other girls,
Young years full of laughter
And no cares.
Her days are filled with caution,
While sleep brings nightmares.

He taught her well,
With his violence,
And the words,
"Children are to be
Seen and not heard."

She learned at an early age,
What caused his fuse to ignite,
So she spends her youthful years,
Withdrawn and out of sight.

The violent acts continue,
Followed by the words,
"See what you caused me to do?"
How many times She heard those words,
And believes them to be true.

If guilt is laying about somewhere,
She claims it as her own.
As her young years slip slowly past.
She feels hopelessly alone.


the story continues

© 2000 Jo Riley Dupree

Lessons Learned II

Lessons Learned II

It began as just a game,
One that all children play.
She searches for a place to hide.
"Come with me!" She heard him say.

Not sensing the danger,
Of what he had planned.
As her frightened eyes fill with tears,
Her cries are muffled by his hand.

This scared, this frightened child,
Clearly does not understand,
Why such pain is thrust upon her.
Will this nightmare ever end?

Molested by her cousin,
Barely into her grade school years.
~She can't tell what has happened~
Fearing her father's rage,
After too much whiskey and beer.

She's like a frightened rabbit,
Not knowing where to turn.
Once more she retreats within,
It is the safest place, she has learned.
The Lessons Continue

© 2000 Jo Riley Dupree

Friday, February 22, 2008

To The Person Who Raped Me

You took my innocence away;
You stole my childhood that day.
One violent moment, in a flash it was gone.
And you left me there to carry on.
The memories will never leave me,
But maybe the pain will cease.
I know that in order to start living,
It's time to do some forgiving.
It's taken a while, but I can forgive you.
But I know thats not all I have to do.
I need to wrap the child inside me in my arms
And tell her she is safe, and protected from all harm.
I can honestly say that the fault wasn't mine
I was only a child; I was only nine.

What were you thinking when you did this to me??
Did you think for a moment of how hard life would be?
Of the nightmares that invaded my sleep every night??
Of the wrong you did that can never be made right?

I was too little to protect myself then,
But I sure as hell won't let you do it again.
I won't let you have control of me anymore
I won't let you keep me behind a locked door.

You stole my innocence, that's true,
But there's something that you didn't do.
You didn't take my strength,
you didn't take my heart,
You didn't take my faith in God,
Although in that you played a part.

For while you were hurting me,
I remembered to pray,
I asked God to help me, on that awful summer day.
At first I thought He just didnt care,
Or maybe He was too busy to answer my prayer.

Although he didn't answer it that exact day,
He answered it in a most extraordinary way.
He sent me people to help me through,
They helped to heal the hurts caused by you.

And now I know that God does indeed care,
And I know that He heard my prayer.

See, there's one thing you didn't take away from me,
You didn't take the gift I was meant to be.
My life was created for a purpose.
And just because you violated me,
Doesn't mean I'm worthless.

I won't let you have power over me;
I'm through being the victim, you see.
It will take a while for the pain to go away,
But I'll make it.
I'll take it day by day.

Copyright protected...
Used with permission
Thank you N for your contribution.

I'm Not Crazy

The doctors say I'm not crazy,
My parents say I'm just lazy.
The therapist says I'm mentally ill
And now I need to take this pill.

Everybody has their theory,
They think they know what's wrong with me.
My dad says I just need to pray
And God will take my problems away.

My mother says, "Just deal with it.
Go out with friends and exercise a bit.
"My friends say,"Party more while you still can.
"Why can't they just understand?

How is God going to fix my head?
How can I exercise when I can't get out of bed?
I won't be cured with kisses and hugs,
And I will only feel worse if I start doing drugs.

The hospital stays, the sleepless nights,
How long will I have to fight?
Will I battle this the rest of my life?
What man will want a "mentally ill" wife?

I wish I didn't need medication,
And I wish I could tell the entire nation,
I am not a "loony toon",
And I don't want to die any time soon.

I have a genuine disease
Not unlike cancer or diabetes
And just because you can't see it
Doesn't mean I can't feel it.

I don't want to be locked up again
And I don't want to live in pain.
I don't know how long I'll have to fight this,
But I know it's something God trusts me with.

I will not let this destroy my faith.
I won't give up until I win the race.
I may be depressed and I may not belong,
But I am brave and I am strong.

I will fight and I will win,
I will not get knocked down again.
Maybe someday I'll be able
to help someone else.
But first,I think I'll help myself.

Copyright protected...
Used with permission
Thank you N for your contribution.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Child Of Violence

~Unborn Child~
wondrous new life in mother's womb;
jolted and awakened by her fear,
head and ears bombarded, again, by the sound
waves of familiar angry voices in the night;

~Newborn Child~
grasping at the sides of your crib,
holding on for dear life;
eyes searching for the danger;
terrified by the "hurricane"
of violent arguments which surround you.

~Precious Toddler~
crying heartily as you watch parents battle;
arms outstretched;
needing comfort, wanting peace;
feeling powerless to stop the war
between "the giants."

~Frightened Child~
seeing lives threatened and loved ones degraded,
fearing your own destruction;
tender nervous system already shot;
left alone to cope with
the repeated shocks of a parent's rage.

~Sleeping Child~
rudely awaken, time and time again;
innocent victim, kept awake for hours,
tortured by the fearful sights and sounds
of grown-up fury.

~Hurting Child~
feeling so alone and so scared;
wanting to cry - all the time;
no one to tell, no one to help;
knowing by age 6
what it feels like to want to die.

~Vigilant Child~
ever watchful;
reading your parent/abuser's every sign;
learning how to keep out of harm's way;
not daring to sleep
until the dust had settled.

~Shamed Child~
embarrassed by the family violence,
head and spirit already lowered in shame; f
eeling like a failure,
unable to save those you love
from the batterer's wrath.

~Uneasy Child~
never knowing when the storm
will hit or when it will end;
growing up in chaos;
unfamiliar with words like
"tranquil," "stable,"
"relaxed," or "carefree."

~Courageous Child~
witness to abuse most people never experience;
routinely overcoming terror,
your strength paid for
by all the pain you have known.

~"Empty" Grown-up Child~
without a sense of self;
told by parents that you didn't count;
feeling like you don't matter;
relying on other people
and "things" for a sense of value.

~Guilty Grown-up Child~
in whom self-hatred has resided;
So guilt-ridden that you did whatever
you could to survive
while others suffered
~ in a holocaust called home.

~Lonely Grown-up Child~
so isolated;
feeling like no one can understand
what it was like and how much it hurt;
Fearing that the war,
deep in your memory,
will never go away.

~Angry Grown-up Child~
left to recover;
So hurt by parental neglect;
struggling to work through emotions
distorted long ago; learning to trust;
learning to forgive
~ them and yourself;
learning self-respect;
and, learning how to resolve conflicts
without violence or abuse.

Copyright 1992 by Barbara Corry.
Used by permission.
Thank you Barb